The main purpose of courtship is for a man and a woman to work on each other in order to mould each other to conform to one’s ideal husband or wife. Courtship is a period during which the eyes of the two parties must be wide-open and other senses highly alert to the signals they receive during courtship.

Ideally, the partners are not supposed to go for wedding until they are convinced that they can both work together for a successful marriage. In other words, the length of courtship varies depending on how fast the partners can convince each other that they can have a successful marriage. 

Proper Conducts During Courtship 

1.      The partners in courtship must be prayerful. Individually they need to pray and at times, they need to pray together. They should back their prayer with fasting. Through prayer: They can choose the right partner. Revelation about hiding things concerning each other’s character can be revealed, Deut. 29:29.  The partner can be moulded to one’s ideal spouse. All the plans from the beginning of courtship up to the wedding day are moderated. In the light of the above, whoever fails to pray before and during the courtship may not be able to have a successful marriage.

2.      The partners should have time to stay together in order to be familiar with each other. However, they must avoid being together in a solitary place where no one else can see them. Staying in a solitary place may open room for temptation.

3.      They should talk together regularly. This will reveal deeper things about each other. Petting at this stage may shut off serious talk. Whoever that is feeling shy or unnecessarily quiet at this stage should be closely watched. Such people end up as unsuitable husbands or wives.

4.      They should regard this period as a learning process. They need to learn about marriage and each other. They should also have a mentor that they will study closely at this time. They must study the Word of God. All these will help them to know what to expect in the marriage and how to get them.

5.      They should exchange letters. This will enable them to express those things they may find difficult to express verbally. Besides, the handwriting, the spelling and mode of expression reveal the intelligence of people.

6.      They must ask questions on critical issues in respect of which they need clarification before they can have a meaningful relationship.

7.      They should plan together about how they can manage a happy home. They must agree on the number of children expected in the family. They must also address the issue of joint account.

Advice to Partners in Courtship 

Those that are in courtship should take note of the following:

1.      They must be born again (2 Cor. 6:14). They should be committed Christians whose lives are moderated by the Word of God (Josh. 1:8). The greatest danger is to marry somebody with the hope of converting him/her after marriage.

2.      Before the partners agree to marry each other, they should conduct enough search on  each other in order to determine if there is any subsisting marriage that is not disclosed or if there is any child that has been born by the proposed partner. Avoid a rushed marriage.

3.      They must avoid falling into sexual sin, Heb. 13:4. They must allow godly parents and ministers to moderate their courtship. Under no condition should partners stay alone in a solitary place. This will help them to overcome temptation. In case there is pregnancy, they should not fall into deeper sin of murder through abortion.

4.      You should not ignore any attitude or behaviour that you observe in your partner that can work against your love to him/her. When a partner is not ready to give up an offensive attitude or character, you should quit the relationship.

5.      Experience has shown that a dynamic church worker, successful businessman/woman or an accomplished educationist does not necessarily be a good husband or wife.

6.      Avoid making a covenant with a partner until you get to the altar.

7.      Be ready and willing to quit the relationship anytime before you are joined together in a holy wedlock if you see a negative signal.

8.      Don’t accept any form of inducement from somebody you are not fully sure of going to the altar with.

9.      Don’t ignore the negative family background of the person you are proposing to marry. You need to sort it out in prayer, meaningful discussion and watchfulness.

10. Don’t hide your dirty past life from the person you want to marry. Past secrets that you do not reveal are time bombs that can explode and scatter a family anytime and at short notice.

11. Don’t procrastinate when you are led to take any step/decision. A second delay may be dangerous.

12. They must contact an experienced marriage counsellor for pre-marriage and post-marriage counselling.